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June Renew: Day 20

Weight: 233.4

My restlessness has reached an all-time high, while my motivation is at an all-time low. I don’t want to do anything but sit around and play video games and nap. There’s nothing else on my agenda besides work. I can’t believe it, but it’s true. I’ve never been so lethargic and I have nothing to attribute it to. It’s certainly not weed. Am I too fat? Too overworked? Can I claim it’s “long covid” and get some sweet, sweet asspats on Twitter? I can do that from the comfort of my couch. It’s a win-win.

I’m just waiting for the next big thing to show up at my doorstep. It’s like I’m ready to move on and step into the next chapter of my life, but I just need the catalyst to motivate me off my ass. I know myself, and I’m not going to do it alone. I’m going to be here, doing whatever it is I’m doing until someone comes along and puts the idea in my head that there’s another way out there. I still think that’s possible, and I think it can happen as long as I’m creating all the good stuff in here. Why do I need to change positions if I’ve already emotionally set things into motion?

I have been feeling more inclined to do some HIIT workouts while I’m at home. There’s always the gym as well. There’re things I could be doing, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like I should be doing them. I’ll find a way to make them happen when I’m ready. There’s nothing I need to process; I’m just taking things one day at a time. We’ll always have a tomorrow. Maybe it’s not my fault if someone doesn’t see one with me on that day. At least I’m easy to find. That’s all.

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