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April Awakening: Day Twenty-Seven


I felt like no one was my friend today. I’m not entirely sure what the deal was, but it was bad vibes all the way around. And I didn’t help. I ain’t no victim here. I actively felt myself be a gigantic bitch because I wanted to have my way. It was a choice. It probably wasn’t the right one. But I also didn’t really care. I seem to have embraced my inner anger today. Why, just moments ago, as I was making my tea to sit here and finish this entry, I found one of the little posts holding up my kitchen cabinet shelves had just suddenly broke out of nowhere. I had to save all my items from falling, and not being successful. Nothing broke, but a lot of things fell out. And I screamed and screamed, throwing things on the floor and causing all sorts of chaos. I didn’t even clean up. I actively looked at the mess I left behind and came back over here to finish this. Everyone has had a day like this, and I guess today was just my day.

I’m not normally like this. I’ve worked very hard to keep a lid on my temper. But it’s still there. It still makes an appearance, I guess. And so? What exactly do I expect here? To never get mad at anything ever again? Of course not. That’s impossible. But there’s something to be said about knowing those moments where my anger just doesn’t want a cap on it.

None of this gives me the right to wield a hateb*ner any time I want, though. I have to be careful. I have to know what’s going on, and know there’s alternatives for getting out my frustration. There’s got to be better ways than taking it out on other people. Or my kitchen. There’s plenty to be angry about in this world. Misplacing it seems like a really terrible idea.

Words yesterday: 824

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