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February Focus: Day 9

I got to write “President Biden keeps lying” in a script today. Because it’s something that’s entirely accurate. It’s the no spin zone around here, as long as he keeps saying Republicans want to “sunset” Medicaid and Social Security. GOP leadership has said multiple times there are no plans to do so on either front. So the more he says they are trying to so, the more I get to call it like it is; by being blunt and blatant about his mistruths and falsehoods. All this is made funnier by the fact that in 1975, then-Senator Biden put forth legislation that would do the exact thing he’s currently rallying against. It’s all such a bizarre time to be following the news, especially when such unprecedented levels of deception are at the forefront.

On the whole, I try not to be this way. I want to be as honest as I can at all times, possibly to a fault. It’s what I demand of other people, so why should I not want the same for myself? However, last week, I didn’t follow my own rules, and I’m sad to report I didn’t even really feel bad about it.

I was asked out on a date via a dating app. I wasn’t particularly attracted to this person, but I figured I should at least try something new. “Get back out there,” as all my co-workers keep suggesting. He proposed going to a bar and I said “I don’t drink,” which is absolutely not true, though it may be for 2023 thus far. I also said I was visiting my parents over the weekend so my only free day was Friday. I actually was going to visit them but my dad canceled because, quote, “It would be too cold.” Still, when I did meet my date last week, he remembered my two fibs and brought them up in conversation; asking about my lack of drinking and what time I’d be leaving the city the next day. I just went along with it, saying I don’t drink anymore and that I’d be leaving at 10:00AM.

I remember hearing these things leaving my mouth and knowing they weren’t true, but not worrying about whether or not he’d pick up on it. He had no baseline for who I am and how I act, there just wasn’t enough time to form one, and I had been honest about everything else we spoke of that night. Perhaps I went along with my own deception as a form of self-sabotage, since I had no romantic inclination to begin with, and therefore could justify not going any further than that. “I wouldn’t want to start something on a lie,” I thought. And that was a good enough line of bullsh*t for me.

It’s strange being this self-aware of my own duplicitous nature, because as the days go on, it feels like many people know it about themselves too. The difference is they choose to keep going with the lie, even if it further dissolves trust between all facets of American life. This is something I condemn; to knowingly lie over and over when what you’re trying to claim is simply not the truth. I know we can all make the argument over what is reality and what is not, but the worst we can do is lie to ourselves, saying it’s okay to be deceptive as long as the ends justify the means.

All I have to do is be patient and wait for these lies to blow up in people’s faces. In the information age, nothing can get swept under the rug when you have a digital maid storing all the dust in the cloud. It’s going to take a little more patience in order for us to see the consequences of everyone else’s actions. In the meantime, my conscience is clear. I’m letting him down easy. At least I’m honest about my line of BS. Can’t fault me for that, can you?

Swears: $1.50
Three s-words came out as I tried to not get hit by a school bus.

First Draft Word Count: same as yesterday
No words written today. I’ll give you a thousand tomorrow
. Sleep took precedence today.

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