14) just a worry-free girl

My December to Remember: Day 14

I’m sorry if you feel worried a lot. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly worried about something that was completely out of my control. But I do remember what it feels like. The agony. The crying out. The wishing and wondering what’s gone wrong.

I’m happy to report I don’t feel that way. Not lately. Not anymore.

Because there’s finally no question in my mind. I will eventually get what I want. If not in this life, then certainly the next. I finally have so much to look forward to. I still like to yell and complain when no one’s looking, but that’s because I see so much wrongdoing in this world. I need to let it all out somehow.

I never realized how much I can let in when I finally let it all go. No long-term stresses. Only things that happen in the moment. I work in live TV, where every second counts. I don’t have the time to look forward to what’s down the line, or look back on the life I once had. It’s an equilibrium that goes right down the center of it all, and all I want to do is bring people with me.

I wish everyone could find their own balance where life doesn’t have to feel so scary. There comes a point where you don’t have to harp on the plans you’ve made. You let them out and then live your life. It’s just that simple. I think they’ve kept everyone in a state of pure worry and fear that nothing outside the comfort bubble is allowed. I’ve just never rolled that way. I’d much rather be out in the open, able to explore this field we’ve found ourselves on, with no one who can stop me. I’ll know the danger when I see it, and I’ll know how to avoid it. I’m not thinking too far ahead. It’s just what I need now.

Sorry if you’re not there yet.

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