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September Surrender: Day 20

What I’m Letting Go: My Fellow Assh*le Americans

I’m going to say things here that aren’t very nice. Maybe controversial. But this is my space and no one can kick me off it. If I ever go missing, the world is going to know. We’re in a place in life right now where anything and everything can be said because everything has a spotlight on it. Nothing is hidden, it’s only a matter of time until the next stone gets overturned. All these corrupt people are just buying time until they get found out and are barred from inhabiting the planet. We’ll just put them all on a rocket ship (or chase them to theirs) and watch them blast off to parts unknown. Let them go f*ck up some other solar system as long as it’s away from here.

The purposeful destruction going on in plain sight is just too big to ignore. These are things I’ve been writing about for years, just knowing that one day it will all come to a head. And I think it’s coming sooner than I think. “The boil needs to be lanced,” as my dad says, graphic as it is. But far-be-it from me to convince anyone else to even listen to my way of thinking.

Once again, Conservabros on Twitter are telling New Yorkers they shan’t shed a tear for us over the migrant crisis because, “you voted for this.” Well, no, I didn’t. I don’t know anyone who did, or at least they aren’t admitting to it. But is this a good look for a Patriotic American? To cast an entire city aside because of a perception you have? Who is that attitude even for? Because you’re potentially turning more people off than you are uniting them.

It’s imperative I stop trying to sway these people to my way of thinking. They might be on my side, but I’ll be long scattered to the wind before I hear them acknowledge that maybe I’m a little bit right too. So why bother? When the metaphorical nukes start dropping, all that gets cast aside anyway. You fight with your fellow countrymen, as assh*lish as they may be. And there’s a lot more of us than there are of them, just like there’s more horses’ asses in this world than there are horses.

What I’ve Discovered: No Spark of Surprise

“I can’t believe this!” has largely left my vocabulary. Because of course I can believe it. I believe literally anything that crosses my dashboard these days. I can’t explain it. It’s just all true. Even the weird shit, like how there have already been miliary tribunals and traitors to the country have been put to death and there are literal body doubles living among us. Okay, maybe not exactly that, but let’s just say my shocked face is now indistinguishable from my regular face.

A few people I work with like to get really in depth with me about all the things going on. Like just how deep does the rabbit hole go. We don’t get into the specifics and there’s a lot of vague talk, but they hit me with a lot of “How could this happen?!” I’ve just got no answer. I’m just as cold as ever. My dad does something similar with his neighborhood friends who look to him for guidance in navigating this insane news cycle. While I made a promise never to get jaded to the news, I can’t help but believe every single thing coming out. Yep, four-thousand migrants cross in one day across our southern border. Yep, Zelenskyy wants $26 billion that we’ll probably end up giving him. Oh, totally, the Senate Minority Leader freezes at two different press conferences and they got rid of the upper chamber’s dress code. Yep, no surprises here whatsoever. Have you seen my shocked face lately?

I get the feeling that this attitude may not be the best for everyone. I think it has the tendency to be a bringer of chaos, though that’s not what I’m setting out to do. It’s like my poker face could alert people in a way I may not have intended. Like I have to let people feel and emote when all these terrible things I’ve been exposed to come out, if they ever do. Just because I’ve perfected the art of the ‘toldja so’ doesn’t mean everyone needs to be subjected to it. However, I do think it’s a necessary mindset to have for some of us. Society as we know it is collapsing around us. You need the calm, cool, and collected to tell you all it’s going to be just fine in the end. Because all this insanity is just part of it. We have to swallow only a bit more bullsh*t before the real work gets started. Once you see my shocked face, that’s how you know it’s really game on.

What I Hope to Find: Riotous Realizations

January 6, 2021 was an inside job. A 45-minute cringe riot with a disastrous ripple effect. I hate thinking about it. I hate trying to wrap my head around those who decry it as an “insurrection.” Or that these people “broke in” when the doors were wide open for them. Or how we still to this day see news articles perpetrating misinformation around it. I read a Post article that stated, quote, “five people were killed in the melee, including one police officer.” These are things that are simply untrue and just gone unchecked. Just today, the supposed Attorney General Merrick Garland said he didn’t know how many paid operatives were in the crowd that day. No denial there were paid operatives, just that he didn’t know how many of them there were.

I remember that day being like any other day. I was just paying attention to Twitter a little closer. I was already feeling low about this phoniness we were all about to partake in, so when I heard protesters had breached the Capitol, I couldn’t help but feel it in my very soul to think, “Burn it to the ground, boys.” It was visceral. It was real. It’s what our forefathers would have wanted in the event of a tyrannical government rising. That’s what I felt was happening. That’s what I feel like we’re in. It doesn’t feel real, because a real government would not be screwing over its citizens on purpose like this. In my eyes, it’s illegitimate, and as soon as “all this is over,” everything that happened under the fake regime will be stamped null and void. I could absolutely see that happening. What I don’t know is how.

I hope one day I get to see these feelings I have get fulfilled in some way. My own form of acknowledgement that ‘m significant enough to have predicted our new lot in life. Because one the magnitude of corruption at play makes it to the mainstream, it’s going to be a lot to handle. I just don’t want whatever bloodlust lived within me that day to make an appearance. I’m sticking to my guns on this. No bloodshed, no burning at the stake. Just good old-fashioned American justice. You can put these people on permanent house arrest in their mansions for all care. Just get the far, far away from me and my fellow countrymen. We’ve delt with their kind long enough. It’s time for the little people to get their moment in the sun without them.

I’d prefer it to happen sooner rather than later. Or else I’m liable to start slapping people. Be lucky that’s all I want to do.

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