June Renew: Day Twenty Five
I’m spending all day in the dark. I’m thinking about going on my roof deck, but only at night. I’m not depressed or sad or anything. Really, I’m just making up for what I missed out on. I spent the last two nights falling asleep on the couch with most of my apartment lights on. My Murphy bed hasn’t been seen since Friday morning. I’ve got a lot of clothes on the floor and a lot of vacuuming to do. But in the dark, I don’t have to see it. I just have to deal with it later.
My apartment unfortunately gets no natural sunlight. It’s the only thing I don’t like about it. I’m too low to the ground to get any good light as is, but it’d be better than looking into an alleyway. One of the first things my father did when I moved in here was send me a potted plant. It died immediately. I later bought some succulent plants which died as well, and they don’t even need a lot of sunlight. I don’t know if I have a green thumb and I think it’d be a nice thing to discover. I can’t right now, though. All the lights are off.
This is fine, but it’s making me sleepy. Darkness is certainly not for every day consumption but it sure is today. It feels right for me to be hanging in my cave, completely stripped down as whatever it is I am today. If someone were to walk in, you’d see me as I am. I’d put on no show, nor would I flick on a light. You can accept me in both the light and the dark. I’ve got it all here, clothed in darkness with no clothes at all.
There’s a part of me that always wishes to be prepared for whoever may cross my threshold. Perhaps there is no need to, though. Whoever is the one to make that journey, I’d want them to see this. To come in and wonder why it is I needed the dark today. I’ll let them know once I figure it out too. For now, I’m just here to experience it. See you when the sun comes up.