June Renew: Day Twenty-Three
I woke up with a winning attitude, despite coming off just two hours of sleep. Didn’t matter. I was producing the show for the final day this week. I woke up down more weight, enjoying a thirteen pound loss since I started tracking again, and I had a nice meal ready to go to bring to work. I was at work early enough to really prepare for the morning ahead, as we had some crazy news to report. But for some reason, the air around me was thick the moment I sat down at my desk.
My teammates were restless as hell today and frankly didn’t have the best attitudes this morning. It was just one of those days where nothing seemed to go right, despite all my efforts to have a good show. Everything was ultimately fine, but there were a few hiccups here and there. And it just kept making me madder and madder, to the point where I just couldn’t fake being happy anymore. And then it started raining. Then, my co-worker and I, who’ve been trying to set up a hang out sesh for weeks had to postpone. Then my farm delivery came in and I wasn’t there to tip the guy. And my Uber took forever to get me home. Things just weren’t going right for a little bit, and the fog of my old habits wasn’t far behind.
The first instinct was to blame myself for all that went wrong. I overindulged last night, I didn’t get proper sleep, I dressed down instead of dressed up. All sorts of things that I did “wrong” were what contributed to a not-so-stellar day. But on the other hand, after the show, our tech director said two people cursed us before the show even began. Because apparently two of my colleagues came into the control room and said everything was terrible. So while I can shoulder my own internal blame, I need to remember I’m not the only one whose bad mood can billow in off the coast.
Sometimes there isn’t any hidden meaning in these things. Sometimes it’s simply not as good a day as others were, despite all efforts to make it better. Everyone plays a part. Everyone blows their own hot air once in a while. Best I just keep it moving. The sun is still waiting there, even if it takes a little longer for the clouds to part.