June Renew: Day Eleven
When I worked for Fox’s affiliate service, I got to speak with the assignment desks of news stations all across the country. I’d do this on a daily basis to gather the best news packages they were covering that day. So I got to know lots of other news crews from around the U.S., which felt like a nice way to build relationships during a 5PM to 1AM shift. One guy I spoke to from Seattle was named *Jason. I began developing a kind of crush on him, even at one point becoming friends with him on Facebook. One day, he told me he was moving to Portland, Oregon but still working at the Fox affiliate. Just not on the assignment desk. So I wouldn’t be able to speak with him anymore. I remember his last day in Seattle I emailed him that it was great getting to speak with him every day and here was my phone number if he ever wanted to keep in touch.
I never heard from him on my phone. There was an occasional Facebook wall post here and there. But as it turns out, about a month after he moved to Portland, he started dating a(nother) cute brunette who was from, wait for it, New Jersey. Literally her hometown was a town ten minutes from where I grew up, and one where I lived in for a year. Yeah I profile stalked back in 2012-13, deal with it. I just found that to be so strange, oddly coincidental that a guy who I liked found a slice of happiness with someone who had lingering similarities to myself. It just wasn’t me, and that was okay too.
It’s kind of a pattern with me. I’ve dated guys and then right after me, they seem to find a real relationship. I can think of three distinct times this has happened to me. I’m like the female version of Good Luck Chuck. Perhaps they’ve delt with enough crazy that they find someone actually sane to settle with. I know I didn’t date this guy Jason, but it felt kind of like a same song, second verse here. You get the qualities of me elsewhere, but just not me, it seems. And I’m wondering if that was just the luck of my draw.
I know I shouldn’t covet what other people have, but can I not question why it hasn’t landed here for me yet? Have I not made the right wish upon tossing my quarter into the fountain? Or has it just not been granted yet? I know there’s a million things I need to do in order to prepare for what I actually want. I’ve just misfired so many times, I wonder if I’m even up to the task anymore. Maybe my good fortune has simply run out, and I’m operating on a wish and a prayer now. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to me, as luck would have it. Perhaps some of us just aren’t meant to see that in this life. Maybe some of us have a more serendipitous path to travel. I’ll let you know when I get there. I’ve still got a hot streak in me somewhere.