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June Renew: Day Four

I’ve often written of feeling on the precipice, like I’m anticipating some great new wave to come forth, and be lucky enough to see it happen. I’m not getting that anymore. That vibe flew out the window. Lately, I feel as though I’ve come out the other side of things, like I just left the safety net after a great blast sent me there. I can’t remember the journey through the air, I shut my eyes the entire time. And I don’t know what set off the explosion anyhow. But I’m here. I’ve landed safely. And there’s not much for me to do until you get here too.

I’ve been in a routine this entire month. I’m just sitting at home, writing and scrolling on Twitter, emerging only to go on my roof deck when it’s time for my Vitamin D. I have to plan out my meals and track my weight. It’s going down fast again, so I’ve got to be careful. But all of this doesn’t feel like a rut. It’s like I’m practicing for the big show when it’ll matter whether or not I can take care of myself. Because on this side of things, I have a much clearer shot at being responsible for another person, whether I grow them in my belly or not. I can do it over here. I could not over there, wherever that was. So as we wait, I’m winding down with my final routine, before everything around us goes out with a bang.

I’m glad every day I wake up it feels like a new day, even if I’m about to take one straightforward shot after another. There can always be something to learn in the throes of repetition, though it’s not always easy to think so. A lot is going on around us all the time, so we should keep our ears open for the next shot heard ’round the world. As for me, I’ll be here until it’s time to make the next best decision of my life. Something I’ve been aiming at forever, really. I’ve practiced my routine enough to know what I really want, and which direction I should go in to get it. I’ll try not to get too hung up on it. Best case scenario is the next time we blast off, we’ll have a barrel big enough for two.

Words yesterday: None. I fell asleep writing after not budgeting my time correctly. You’ll know tomorrow if I’m all caught up.

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