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April Awakening: Day Twenty-Three


My drive home was scary today. It rained a lot in Massachusetts. And I was in a part that typically sees a lot of flooding. Obviously I made it back to New York okay. The cat didn’t even meow once on the way home. Usually I hate driving in rain, but today was fine, even if things were a little hydroplane-y here and there. I wanted to keep thinking it was somehow “refreshing,” as it’s been a while since I’ve seen such a storm. But all I was searching for just sort of fell flat, since it was just raining and nothing more than that.

I had a dream last night which I’d consider the most intense dream of my life. It was one of those where the line between the subconscious and reality was blurred. I felt things. Physically. I felt the warmth. I heard my name being called. A kiss upon my lips. Something burned within me while asleep, and I wrote it all down upon waking. I kept waiting for some kind of meaning to spring forth today about it; something to solidify all that’s swirling around inside me. But sometimes, a dream is just a dream, just like a storm is nothing but a weather pattern passing over.

Perhaps the moment I stop searching for things drenched in meaning, I’ll actually see it. I’m so desperate to have the pieces fit in many aspects of this life, including things entirely out of my control. I’m talking about the dots being connected to the massive corruption within the Halls of Power. I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that one, but I cannot force anything into place right now. I have to trust my clarity is what’s bringing this to the forefront, which is certainly one thing I can control. It feels like there’s far more riding on this than ever. And while I can weather a storm without repercussion, I can also take comfort in finding what remains when all that no longer serves me is finally washed away.

Words yesterday: 767. I kept falling asleep and dreaming I was writing, so I threw in the towel and am making up the words as we speak.

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