22) write on

April Awakening: Day Twenty-Two ☁️

A woman took my name down today. She said she’d look out for my book when it gets published. I know they say “don’t tell anyone your plans,” but I feel fine with letting people know about this one. This one seems the most natural to me. Yes, it’s only a first draft, but the important thing is I have a story here. That’s what I’m holding onto. That’s what I’m hoping people will see one day, which, if I play my cards right, will be the first of many from me. Who knows if what I have will become a book or a screenplay. The point is I’m working on it. And if I keep sharing, then perhaps I’m not setting myself up for failure like I’ve done so many times before.

This isn’t some legendary book I’m writing. I’m not showing as much as I’m telling. I go back and read some of what I’ve written and it mostly sounds stilted and uninteresting. I worry my main character is flat and underdeveloped. And there’s for sure plenty of plotholes I have yet to fill because I don’t even know they’re there. But I’m working on it. I’m making something. I care about this world and I care about what happens to the people I’ve created. Is that not enough in the interim? Can I not let people know I’m doing it? Why keep my words under wraps just because it’s not ready for you to see it?

I suppose there’s workshops and writers’ groups I could join to assist me through the process, but I’m not sure if I’m at that stage yet. I need to go back and read it all from top to bottom. I’ve been so consumed with just getting the words down, I haven’t given it the proper respect, and actually consume my contribution. Perhaps I’m too scared to see, too cringed-out by my own writing, but I’ll get there one day. I have to. I can’t just hit ‘publish’ without knowing there’s something of substance within these hundred-plus pages. But I think I’m going to keep telling people about it. Maybe this is the way to manifest my dreams, especially as my trusted friend circle gets tighter with each passing year. I feel more right on the money with this writing than ever before. Now, if only there was a way to find the ending. That always seems to be the hardest part.

Words yesterday: None. I fell asleep before I could get started. 1,500 words will be completed today.