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April Awakening: Day Sixteen


I never stop thinking about it. It. You know what I’m talking about. The thing Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos keep bragging about to the DailyMail. It. Not ‘it’ itself, but just it. All of it. The thing that only makes sense when you’ve got the person to do it with. It. All of it. And it’s something I’ll never stop thinking about.

Writing about it is another story, but I’ll try it: A dog tried to hump me on the street today. Sorry if that wasn’t what you expected, but let me explain. I was walking home and this dog in front of me turned around to look at me. I could tell he was excited, not that kind of excited. And so I walked by this dog, saying “hi Pup!” as I passed. I didn’t stick my hand out our anything, but he took my friendliness as an open invitation, because as soon as I was past, he jumped up, trying to get a grip on my hips as I ran away. The owner laughed and apologized, to which I said, “He’s very friendly!” It was just one of those little New York moments, even though the city knows I’m still disappointed and dissatisfied by it.

It was sincerely the most action I’ve seen in months, too. I jest, but I have not allowed a single soul to get close to me in a very long while. And I’m not just talking about a few months. I’m talking about many, many months, bordering on years. Some may look at this as pathetic. Or a waste. Really, it’s not like I’m trying and failing to make it happen, it’s just been an incredibly low priority on my list. All that physical affection means nothing if ‘it’ is not in the picture. It. All of it. The thing I feel I’ve found but haven’t been lucky enough to claim as my own.

So now I’m just waiting for it. Waiting in the sense that I’m preparing for it too. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now to take care of, as I make conditions perfect to allow it in my life. Even though I’m not getting any younger, I’m certainly getting wiser to it. And I’ll know when I see it again. I’ll know when it’s real. Because it’s one thing that cannot be missed. It’s something just known that doesn’t always need to be said. Or shouted from the rooftops. Or posted on Instagram. It just is. It’s how it’s always been, though you did not know you needed it. Or wanted it. Or that it was even possible to do obtain. But it is, as long as you believe it is. I never stop believing that. I’ll believe it till my dying breath. Because it’s real. It’s out there. It’s never going away as long as I’m alive. It just might not get here exactly when you want it. But if you’re lucky like I think we are, it’ll show up when we least expect it.

Just make sure you’ve got a well-behaved dog. I’m not a piece of meat, y’know.

Words yesterday: 250 with a vow to finish 1,550 today Or at least before I go to sleep.

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