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April Awakening: Day Thirteen


I have nothing to say today. Everything I could say sounds stupid, and everything I want to say doesn’t matter. I feel very much in a lull right now, where there’s no tension about anything in my life. I’m not “going through it,” I’m simply going with it. I could gripe about what I see as I people-watch outside; the heads craned down looking at phones, the emasculated-looking men in their weird outfits, the influx of migrant families around my neighborhood, some people’s insistence to still wear masks, but what good would it do? None of it directly affects my life, so is reporting on it even necessary at this point?

Tomorrow is my last day of work before I take a week and a half off. It’s the longest stretch of time I’ve taken off in a while, which, lucky for me, coincides with my birthday. And first quarter earnings season, but that wasn’t exactly planned. Sorry, co-workers. But there’s no real “race to the finish” about my work right now. I don’t have “senioritis” while there. Everything is just as it’s ever been, I just won’t be there for a bit. And so what? Am I meant to feel bad about that, just because someone else in the world may be suffering somewhere? I worry these thoughts make me sound cold, but when there’s nothing to report, the choice to go internal feels better than chasing a story.

There’s no other obligation I have right now other than running with my internal monologue. It’s the only thing that’s fit to print for me at the moment. My first draft keeps droning on and on as I hope a cohesive storyline will fall into my lap. But maybe that’s just it for now. Maybe not feeling like I have to bitch about every little plot point in my life is exactly what is needed. There’ll always be something worth discussing when the time is right. Until then, a slow news day never hurt nobody.

Words yesterday: 756

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