February Focus: Day 21
I need a day offline. My brain is absolutely fried. I’ve been way too deep into my own Twitter lore as of late. It’s like a magnet I keep veering back to, even though I keep accidentally annoying various hornets nests. I’m not purposefully kicking them, I just kinda poke and prod with a bit too much spice, I guess. I’ve hidden the bird app on my phone for now, but I’m constantly checking the desktop version. There’s a real fear that I’m going to miss something huge if I don’t see the news as it breaks. So I sit and watch, waiting for something big to come my way. Something that’s going to tell me everything will be all right again. And luckily for me, it’s my job to watch and report the news. So by getting read-in the day prior, I know the next morning will be a welcome sight to behold.
But there in lies the problem. When you work on an overnight shift, your days are focused on what’s going to happen the next day. You’re constantly looking ahead, trying to figure how you’ll put those pieces together and start the day for your viewers. We’ve got to showcase what’s most important out there and set the tone for the rest of the day. And for me, Twitter provides the perfect avenue into knowing and seeing just what the hell is going on around here.
It’s sincerely burning me out. I haven’t had a moment to come up for air. I’ve barely had time to check in with myself and find out where I’m currently at. I think it’s a good place, but what if it’s not? My days are consumed with working, writing, working out, and wondering why. I know I said this is all I’m going to do forever, but it’s imperative to take a day away from it. I just need twenty-four hours where I do nothing but sit and stare at the lake. Something that can clear my head and make it into an untouched plot of land again. A fertile place where new ideas will grow with ease. And I can’t do it if my mind’s just stuck on the piece of news I always knew I’d see cross the wires.
I suppose it will all happen when I least suspect it. Perhaps I’m not supposed to bear witness to it. Maybe it’s the thing I come home to find have happened. I’ll hear the news and I’ll just know. And I’ll finally get to see to see myself smile without the added pain behind my eyes. That’s my final decision. That’s the outcome I’d love to see in life, and it’s what I’ll be working toward finding. And until then, I’ve got to keep practicing unplugging once in a while. Just for a bit. A working woman’s day is never done, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean she has to stare at the same four walls every day. There’s a great big world out there. I can take comfort in believing it exists, even if I’m just watching it unfold through a screen.
I’ll let you know if I find the time to go back out there and work on unplugging. My excuse is that it’s too cold to sit outside, but I just may push myself this week. Let’s see if just a small change of scenery does anything for me. The news will be there when I get back. Maybe this time it won’t be more manmade horrors beyond my comprehension. Haven’t we seen enough already?