My December to Remember II: Day Twenty
News: Senate intends to jam through $1.7T omnibus package stuffed with pork before the holidays.
Biden on camera saying JCPOA deal is “dead” but they’re not going to announce that.
Twitter Files round eight reveals coordinated CENTCOM and Pentagon efforts to inflict psyops on Americans using Twitter as the medium.
Finally feeling like myself again. Part of that includes sometimes being a gigantic, insufferable drama queen, and a loud, jovial, world’s-a-stage goof. I didn’t know how long it’d take me to get here, and frankly I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find her again. But here I am. I’ve always been here, through thick and thin skin.
There’s a new sense of security in all that I do, however impossible it may seem. I still feel like things are going to fall into place for me. Frankly, I don’t even feel like I lost anything. I simply moved on by freeing myself from the shackles of what’s comfortable, and dove head-first into the great unknown, unworried and unbothered by the impossible odds laid before me. I know that’s vague and I don’t plan on going into more detail than that. I respect the past without needing to bring it up all the time. The people who know will know, and I’ll stay firm and fixed on that.
Can’t say the same for the rest of the world these days, but then again that’s not my door to unlock.
Years ago, I was outside smoking with a co-worker. We were just talking, shooting the shit as it were. This was me in my twenties, when I thought I had literally everything on earth figured out. I had started bragging about how awesome I was (who knows), and made it a point of how secure a person I was. He casually suggested that maybe I’m not as secure a person as I think. Perhaps even that dreaded word…insecure. As if it was a veritable chink in my armor, I lost it. “I am secure!” I shouted, “I’m probably the most secure person I know!” I went on rambling for a bit and he let me, looking at me like I was crazy. And it was, since it didn’t take long for him to reveal just how full of shit I was being.
I thought about that for the rest of the day. What exactly did I need to prove, and why was I so hellbent on proving it? A secure person should just be that without having to tell everyone, right? You can see it in actions, not with words. Just like how I feel like if you were truly in love with someone, you wouldn’t need to blast it all over social media, right? You would just be with one another instead of looking for likes and outside validation. I could be a little bitter on that last one, but the point still stands about security in one’s self first and foremost. And unfortunately for us, a lot of things keep happening that threaten our freedoms and safety, and it’s coming from the people who’ve vowed to uphold that.
If I had it my way, everyone would find security within themselves first and not have to worry about what everyone else thinks. Then again, I am a wide-eyed idealist. I’ll say it until the day I die. I’m just glad I found that inner protection once again; knowing things will always work out and I’ll always land on my feet. Even when it feels like the entire world is against me, I’ll know the truth because I discovered it first.
Now, if someone mentions an insecurity of mine, I can acknowledge it, since I ‘know thyself’ far too well these days. There’s no shame in my game. I know I can’t expect this feeling to last twenty-four hours a day, but I don’t see it wavering anytime soon, especially when more things come to light that just affirm all my feelings. And the best part of all this is that I don’t feel closed off to anything. I’m more open than I’ve been perhaps in my entire life. It’s about knowing when to open that vault, or allow another’s heart and soul to meet yours.
Keeping it open will keep me safe. I’m sure of it this time. It’ll be all I can do to stop myself from screaming “I told you so!” while slamming the door behind me.