18) the goal of ego & awe

My December to Remember II: Day Eighteen

News: Argentina wins World Cup.

I’ve already had my harangue about sports. I still don’t get it. It was made pretty apparent as I watched the World Cup final with my parents today. I’ll admit it was kind of exciting watching the near miss of each goal, sensing the excitement swell, predicting accurately it’d go to penalty kicks and Argentina would win. But that scenario just kind of fell into my lap. I still wouldn’t seek something like that out. And that’s fine for all those who do. What was made extra apparent to me today is really this awe people have over athletes; the constant “Messi Magic” being thrown out there just puzzles me as much as anyone calling Tom Brady or LeBron James the “G.O.A.T.” Like, hurray, they play sports good and have more money than anyone can conceive. Why does that put them on a different tier of person than the rest of us jerks? You don’t want a class system yet you create them by being in awe of man?

There was always a fine like between confidence and cockiness. And for the most part, the confidence shines forth moreso than the cockiness. Still, it takes a strong mind not to get a swelled head, and I’m not sure anyone is capable of that anymore.

Pop goes the pretentiousness.

Social media has given anyone with an internet connection a voice. People now have a digital soapbox to say whatever it is they need to, or show of whatever they wish to. It’s crazy to me just how vast the internet landscape has gotten. I was popular on YouTube when there was like a thousand content creators trolling about. Since I was the only ‘female ranter’ at the time, I had every right, I thought, to feel like I was on top. I knew which videos would be bangers and felt everyone would agree with every single point I ever made. It took a long time for me to realize that I was indeed infallible, or worse, flat out wrong about some things I’d say. But that need to look like I always knew what I was doing really drove me forward, giving me a sense that I could do no wrong online, even if that ‘dissenting’ opinion made a good point here and there.

It took a long time, and I chalk up a lot of it to just getting older, but I realized I don’t have all the answers, and ability isn’t everything. Just because I do a sport better than most doesn’t mean it has anything to do with my personality or other life skills. It’s simply a part of who someone is, and it’s easy to forget it’s not the only part.

We’re done here, right?

Now, the amount of ‘social media stars’ or ‘influencers’ out there is larger than anyone can even perceive. If everyone is an influencer, who are they influencing? Surely there aren’t that many people out there who lives for what others are doing, are there? I want to believe that’s not true, but it’s hard sometimes. It just never occurs to me to hang on what another person is doing that much, even if I enjoy the person. I just hope people realize there’s more to life than what entertains you, and that attaching your ego to another’s ability is ultimately a fruitless exercise.

I’m thankful my YouTube audience never seemed like sycophants, but that was the nature of my content anyway. Like attracts like. And if I was someone who at least came off like none of that awesome nature mattered, I was going to attract people like that. And so I wonder how these fans of entities much larger than I come across, or how they even get to that point of wanting to praise another human in such a matter.

I mean, there’s gotta be *something* to all this…

Perhaps I’m the outlier here. Maybe I need some humility in thinking I’m above all this just because I don’t subscribe to the internet’s version of fandom. It doesn’t make me any better or worse than anyone, just like I need not be in awe of another person simply based on a niche ability that not everyone can do in the first place. I was taught from a very early age that we’re all on the same playing field and no one man can have power over you. It’s okay that I’m built different. As long as I remember to have humility over who I am. It’s easy to forget when the ego has not had a chance to die yet. And based on all I see, I don’t think we have much longer to wait for that day to come.

If this was Hell, I’d be bothered by all I see around me. I’m not. That’s why this is simply purgatory, where we’re just waiting for the ascension off this place and onto the next. Don’t worry, there’s probably sports there, too.

Happens more than we think.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s