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June Renew: Day 30

Weight: 233.0

Well, I made it. Here we are at the end of another month. I’ll give a full recap with how I did with the challenges, because today isn’t over yet. But my vacation just started. I’m back in Florida for the next few days, taking it all in away from the hellhole that NYC has become. I almost didn’t make it here, as I went to the entirely wrong terminal at LaGuardia before hustling it to the correct one and running through the long, extensive new expansion. A woman on the shuttle prayed with me that I’d make it to my flight, and I did. Being on the plane with no masks was a wonder to see, and it was nice that JetBlue had upgraded the flying experience, making it and overall pleasant trip to the airport. The federal mask mandate still in place for New Yorkers still wasn’t a match for people fully over all these rules that no longer need to be in place.

But when I got here, something in me just couldn’t get happy. I can’t explain it, but maybe I can through the words here on the final day of June Renew.

I’m at the same hotel I was when I was here back in September. It’s a very nice spot and I can see the Atlantic Ocean from here. But something this time around just feels so…artificial. The last hotel I stayed in was in DC and I didn’t get that feeling when I was in the room. But here in Florida, it feels different. Maybe because there’s still signs up that “if you’re unvaccinated, please continue to wear a mask” which I don’t understand. And despite my efforts to not be consumed by the news, I went by the pool and delved deep into the recesses of Twitter to see NYC is still ready to keep Covid at the forefront of everyone’s mind.

And I’m alone. I’m completely alone here until I see my friends who live down here.

This is a ‘me’ problem for sure. I should be stoked to be on vacation and away from it all. Yet I can’t tear myself away. Not yet. I keep feeling like I’m missing something. And it doesn’t help that I get text messages from my team as they’re still putting the news on every morning. I don’t know. I feel a crumbling of things around me. I could just be drama queening it to a ridiculous extent, but I was hoping to feel real down here. I haven’t gotten there yet. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been in direct sunlight yet. All I know is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake to be here. It feels like it was meant to be. Just like it was meant to be for me to do this challenge again this month.

All of it feels necessary and needed as I reflect on what was and what is. I don’t need to think anything else than that. So what if I wasn’t expecting to see these signs in the hotel? So what if I didn’t get the sunlight I was hoping for right away? I’m here. I’m not anywhere else. I’m with me. And being with me ain’t a bad place to be.

I think it’s time I start accepting that things may not actually conform to my agenda. That the artificial nature of it all will still remain whether I want it to or not. Like being in the airport today. The revamped LaGuardia looked nice, but it still had a dystopian flair to it. Like they were hand-holding little kids to their destinations. On the plane I wanted a snackbox and requested the FuelUp pack, only to be asked if that was 1, 2, 3 or 4. I said “One” and was handed just a box of food. A little too Dharma Initiative for me.

But so what? Honestly, what am I even complaining about half the time? Do I really expect everything to go my way? Like literally everything?

I think I’m learning to be okay with the concessions as long as everyone is where they need to be. Because where the world is right now is patently not where we’re supposed to be. The United States is being run by absolute morons who, if you ask me, ain’t even supposed to legally be there. And I live in a city that wants to brand itself as the Covid vax and testing capital of the world. All the nonsense is what needs to end. I’m fine with keeping some of the more cringey stuff, like waving my hand in front of a sensor so I could lock the door of the hotel lobby’s bathroom. Weird, but I can learn to work with it. As long as companies stop asking me for my personal information or at least let me opt out of it, I think we’ll be okay going forward.

Because time will march on with or without me. We’ll have to adapt and change with the times. And as long as we keep a good sense of who we are, we can’t lose. Blink and you’ll miss me, as I’m already out the door and onto new and better things. Catch me if you want.

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