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June Renew: Day 28

Weight: 234.4

I’d just rather focus on the good things for now. There’s far too much attention being put on all that’s evil and dark in this world, and I know I’m partially to blame for that. If we all create our own realities, then mine has certainly been more focused on what’s wrong with the world rather than what’s right in it. It’s very difficult to move past and I’m not saying I’ve mastered this by any stretch of the imagination. I’m saying it’s high time for me to actively try and change my perspective, because what’s happening now is just making me sick.

A few entries ago I spoke of people living in their own bubbles. I still see that going on. And I’m finding there’s less of a need to try and change hearts and minds. I just want to be left alone by these people and not let them bother me. Yet they still do. I still let the hardheadedness and outright insanity eat away at me. It’s baffling sometimes because I feel I’m seeing things clearer than most, especially from the area I’m currently living in. You may call that arrogant and haughty on my part and you’re free to do so. But things seem so weird and backward here, it’s hard to believe people find comfort in it. I knew something was wrong with it from the getgo, and I made it my mission to look past the curtain to see what they were trying to keep from us. And now I can’t unsee it.

We’re being fed distractions, farces, falsities, and cannon fodder all day long. They’re trying to pit us against one another, making it so we’re angry and spiteful at someone we perceive is on the “other side.” They have to do it so we don’t discover the actual enemy was them all along. I can’t let myself be shrouded in their game anymore. Therefore, I shall play my own. I can do more for myself and by extension the world if I just stop playing into the gotchas and doom and gloom talk. I’m not exactly sure what that all entails, but I’m sure I’ll find it if I let myself. We’re fighting the battle of our lives out here. It’s up to us to decide if we want that armor to help us, or let it weigh us down.

I know what side I’m on. I’d rather there be sunlight on the other side of the blinds rather than an apocalyptic landscape. I’m only now realizing it’s a choice on which one I see.

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