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June Renew: Day 9

Weight: 233.4

I felt angry today. I’m not sure at what. I got through work fine, as hectic as it was. I could tell something was bothering my host, and some of the comments we were receiving didn’t always seem to match up with just what was going on. “It’s not about us,” I kept saying. It used to be hard to remember that. Not anymore. Because whatever it is I’m going through right now, I know misplacing it elsewhere won’t do me any good.

There’s a lot of things going on right now that can cause justifiable anger. I don’t blame people for being furious at how The Powers That Be have treated the People over the last two years. Just today, in June 2022, New York City lifted its mask mandate for children ages two to five. They were required to mask up all day in school and daycare. Why? Because “the science” said so. I’m not a parent yet, and it still boiled my blood that this was happening in my city. And just because those in charge lifted it doesn’t mean I have to thank them for it. It’s something that never should have happened in the first place and I’ll probably hold a grudge about it forever. And I don’t think anyone could really blame me or the rest of us New Yorkers for never forgetting such a thing.

But what I will never do is vow revenge.

People wrong each other all the time. Some are so mental and arrogant enough that they’ll deal with those wrongs the physical way. Maybe even the fatal way. But that could never be me. I’ll sit and stew with my burning fucking hatred, but I can’t lash out in such a way like that. I’ll never let it manifest in any kind of physical manner. What I absolutely need to work on is making sure I’m not misplacing my anger, and taking things out on people who absolutely do not have it coming. I feel I can recognize when someone’s frustrations aren’t about me, but not everyone has that skill. So it’s definitely not fair of me to act like participating parties are fair game for my aspersions. I need to find a healthy way to channel it, even if step one is letting the steam pour out of my ears for a bit. After that, I will not raise my sword unless it’s in self-defense. I hope other people can take a page out of this, especially as tensions remain at an all-time high with all these all-time record problems plaguing our nation play out.

To feel anger is to feel human. I can’t go through life expecting never to be angry ever again. But I can deal with it better than I have been, especially when it’s not really about me in the first place. A life as an only child can make one thing the world revolves around them. It doesn’t. I can’t be mad at that.

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