(20) just visiting

April Awakening: Day 20

I’ve been having vivid dreams lately. Last night’s was so intense, I had to physically pull myself out of it. I remember being so unsure of whether or not I was dreaming, I pinched my forehead to see if it would hurt. It didn’t. That’s the only way I knew. There was a distinct feeling of needing to extricate myself from the spot I had found myself in. And it wasn’t like I was having a bad dream. Bret Michaels was there. But either way, it was the first time in a long time I felt the need to escape my own mind. It was like a desperation to wake myself up and let myself know this wasn’t real, even though a part of me so wished that it was. Because last night, I asked God for a sign, and someone decided to pay a visit to my subconscious.

I always put so much weight into dreams like this. I wonder if it’s actually possible for those you miss and want to see more than anything to actually stop by and see you as you slumber. But that doesn’t explain all the random people who also show up. Like Bret Michaels. But the authenticity of who it is just seems to keep me going. It doesn’t allow me to give up on what I’ve been thinking this entire time. So I let these visits continue, and let them carry me through the next day. I don’t need to worry about it as much. I can find the confidence that it will one day be what I want it to be, even if it takes much longer than I would like. Something gets captured and stays with me, allowing me to wake rather than sleep on what’s not present.

I don’t mind living in the ethereal. It’s where all my great ideas are. But I know I just can’t rely on my dreams only. I have to be in the here and now, and live with what I’ve got. Whatever has a hold on my heart can be revisited from time to time until it’s time for it to spill forth and be here with me. It’s always possible. Anything is possible.

See you in my dreams.

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