My December to Remember: Day 29
I’m starting to hear things I’ve been saying for some time now. But they’re all coming from other people and they’re getting all the credit for it. This has been a staple for me for some time: I say a thing, people call me crazy, then we all wait a bit and what I said resurfaces out of someone else’s mouth. And they get the pats on the head while I sit here thinking, “Uh, yeah, I already knew that.” It’s so stupid to think about. It’s stupid to even write it all down. But it’s so real to me. And for a while there, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to let it all go.
There’s a lingering scent of resentment emanating off me at all times. I assume. Just finishing up month three of not being able to smell anything. But I do feel I’m holding onto a bit of not-so-righteous indignation. It’s like I feel slighted by everyone and everything around me, like it was all created to annoy me and only me. Everything that occurs as happenstance is a direct result of someone, somewhere out there not wishing for good things for me. And it turns me bitter and untoward toward everyone who comes my way.
It’s all so tiresome. I’ve grown so weary of holding onto this resentment that I might just learn to let it all go. Who cares if someone says the same thing I’ve been saying this whole time? At least it’s getting out there. That thing I said wasn’t the banger vaulting me to my version of mass recognition. Even if I tell someone I said it first, I have no receipts, unless I want to go through four years of chicken scratch notes with no discernible order to them.
No, for now, I’m just going to keep watching things go my way. If the world is repeating what I’ve been saying, there’s an echo in here that will one day bounce back to me. I can’t wind up with the short end of the stick my whole life, can I?
balanced & fair 