19) where we veer

My December to Remember: Day 19

I had something written. Something ready to go. But I thought different of it. Maybe writing about it was enough, and it’s not the right time to publish it. That’s why I’m going to make this short. I poured out over eighteen-hundred words and am not going to show you any of it right now. I’m sorry to leave you hanging. But that seems to be something I’m used to doing. There’s something seductive about taking an alternate route, a pivot from my natural instinct as I stare out at the branching paths ahead of me. I’m keeping myself on lock because I might open a path I’m not ready to go down yet. I need to be absolutely sure I’m prepared for that journey, and right now I know I’m not quite there. I’m still holding onto things I wish were true, but I know may not be. I have to embrace the feeling of truly letting go, no worry about if my wish will come true or not. It’s better to just keep living like it never existed in the first place. A whole new life just for me. At some point it may have been hard, but now it’s the simplest thing I can do. I hope to one day share what it is I originally wrote, but perhaps the further I walk down this road, the less I’ll feel the need to get it off my chest. Maybe writing it just for me was enough. Maybe it’ll become a forgotten story. My words did whatever job they needed to, and I can close the book on this leg of the trip. I’ve walked over the same old trail too much, and now it’s just worn out. I’m looking forward to finding fresh, greener pastures along life’s next trajectory.

But I’ll never forget where the route lies that brings us back to each other.

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