17) in sickness and in fear

My December to Remember: Day 17

There’s a part of me that feels like I’ll never get sick again. I know that’s not probable, but who says it’s not possible? I’m just not worried about it anymore. I sincerely don’t care. I live on a literal island that is full of garbage. Bags and bags pile up and stay there all day. It’s dirty and grimy and there are very little standards. I saw a traffic cop snot on a bush, wipe his nose with his hand, then immediately open the van door. All while I was meters away, eating outdoors, getting bitten alive by mosquitos. Catching a cold is the least of my worries.

I’m fine. I feel fine. We’ll all be fine. But we have to fight the fear that we won’t be. Because right now, they are so desperate to stay afloat, they will drain every last bit of terror from your pores until there’s nothing left of you to take.

I have no fear. I didn’t and I don’t. I did, though. I did this time last year, where it once again doesn’t feel like Christmastime. But I gave into it. I was fearful I’d never see someone again. I was fearful I would go my whole life without anyone on my side. I’d die alone with nothing more than a stack of books and a houseful of cats. I was fearful that I was nothing, a loser, a simp, a weirdo. Someone no one would ever want to touch, let alone breathe the same air. But that is no longer the case.

I’m in a state where I still cannot smell anything, but am still hyperaware of how much everything around me stinks. Nothing feels real, and The Powers that Be are finally kicking it all into endgame mode. The world is so desperate to keep everyone sick and afraid. The strange thing is they don’t think it’s going to backfire. They are just going to keep going on with this sham until they are forced to admit what crimes they’ve unleashed upon humanity. And when the headline is read, the people will find it absolutely revolting.

I just think we need to ride out this one final flu season before our worst fears are realized. What they are, I do not know. I can’t help you there. Nothing scares me these days. Not even death. But if you’re one of the ones still holding onto the fear, I suggest believing there’s another way to live. They want you scared so they can feed off it. It’s the only think keeping them in power right now. The moment they realize they have no more power over you, the mask will drop, and you’ll see it all for what it really is. But don’t worry, only the real sickos out there are going to laugh and jeer, shouting “I told you so!” instead of riding the wave of the watershed moment.

It’s a scary time. I get it. But there’s no injection or pill that can cure you of making yourself sick. You’ll have to reach deep into the power of your own mind to figure out how to do that. Fear is a great incapacitator. Don’t let it win out.

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