15) this sh*t is bananas

My December to Remember: Day 15

What’s that, Mayor de Blasio? I, an unvaccinated worker in the city of New York, must not come into the office until further notice? That’s what he’s telling me, as he issues his decree on high with just a few swinging days left in his administration. Yes, NYC Mayor and notable dickhead Bill de Blasio has done it again, this time, issuing a disrupting new order mandating all on-site private sector workers be vaccinated against Covid-19.

Aw, nuts. If only something had happened to me where I was already forced to work-from-home and found out it was actually pretty great.

Beginning December 27th, I’m not allowed on-site. According to the NYC Department of Health, or, DOH, “Businesses may not allow any unvaccinated workers to come to their workplace.” So it looks like I’ll have to stay away in two weeks. If they decide to throw a Christmas party this year, I ain’t invited. That building is verbotten to me until further notice. Or until I get a shot right in my sausage-y arm.

It’s crazy to me that we’re all still doing this. We’re trying so hard to just get it “up” to keep this pandemic going. I mean, I don’t know, call me crazy but I haven’t felt like we were “in the middle of a pandemic” since June 2020. One day I got into a cab and just didn’t put the mask on. It stayed off as I went to my appointment. And then I just kept walking until I found myself on the way home. Something became so clear to me that day: I was alone in all of this and no one coming to save me. No one around who could tell me when it was safe to come out. There was no one who wanted to, no one who seemed to care, and anyone who may have would have just left me holding a stick in my hand.

I decided then and there that I was going to do what I want, when I wanted, and exactly how I wanted it to. And that includes being clear on what I put inside my body.

People seem to have a hard on for all the vaccine talk. All the White House can seem to do is talk about vaccines. We have to make sure “we get everybody vaccinated.” (They never tell you why, do you notice that?) The twitterverse is all about making sure your status is projected loud and clear. On Reddit, if you run into one of those dirty unpoked, you must accuse them of being a blight on public health. It’s just what you need to do. I mean, they need to get vaccinated, what better way to convince them than to screw it deep in their brains?

“My message is clear. I want to have a beautiful, wonderful holiday season. The city, it’s always the most amazing time of the year, but it’s going to be particularly amazing if everyone in the family gets vaccinated.”

NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio, December 15, 2021

I’m so sick of it. I don’t care about your status. I had to delete the Hinge app because it became too cringey to see people actually put down their medical status. “Vaccinated,” “Partially vaccinated,” or “not yet vaccinated.” Those were my only options. “Not yet.” It just kept bothering me to see someone display that. It annoys me to see those dumb blue signs outside every single New York establishment: The City requires you to be fully-vaccinated against Covid-19. I just wonder who would pull out their phone and flop it on the table to prove something like that. I hear all this anecdotal nonsense of couples thanking the manager for “feeling so safe” inside the fully-vaxxed restaurant. Isn’t that weird to anyone else? Aren’t these strange things to feel proud of? Aren’t we enjoying our mental masturbatory sessions just a little too intensely these days?

I say there’s a ton of other things we could be talking about rather than this cylindrical, pointy-tipped nightmare that suddenly became the most important thing on earth. We’re choosing the wrong things to put weight into. It’s because the Powers that Be have convinced you the only way to salvation comes from the outside. They’ll come like a thief in the night, pin you down and ravage you, but they did you so good you’ll be back for more. Even when it’s not that good. They’ve got you dickmatized in one way or the other.

But ultimately, this isn’t an “everyone else” problem at this point. I’m so pent up in needing to talk about this that it’s starting to project outward for me. I need to stop judging those who have done something or are currently doing something I wouldn’t do. It’s hard, but I can make it easy if I just stop caring. To not care about the people who can’t keep their love of this shot in their pants. I’m not convinced those people aren’t just anything but a bunch of bots. I just hope one day I get to express my thoughts to the people in my waking life. But only if they ask first. I respect consent.

Eh, fuck it. It just feels too damn good to complain about all these things I find absolutely batshit insane. But right now there’s no one around for me to take my frustrations out upon. So if you don’t mind, as the world takes one final lap of a cuckoo-bananas year, I’ll be over here, taking damn fine care of myself. Sometimes more than once a day, if I’m lucky.