7) pray for us sinners

My December to Remember: Day 7

It’s easy to be a sinner. Just discover your base instincts and keep chasing them. Humans can lead themselves down all sorts of dark paths that way. It’s simple. Just sell your soul, tell your conscience to get lost, and strap into the downright wicked.

Nah. Not for me. I was born a sinner. We all were. Some of us good little Catholic girls just got absolved from that when we were baptized. This isn’t to say I don’t sin. I do. I have. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’ve just grown to a point where I see the good and righteous paths that lay ahead of us, and I know which ones I want to avoid.

Unfortunately, what’s coming out in the news these days are really stories of those who’ve chosen wrong. They’ve hitched their horses to the wrong wagons. They sang the wrong hymns. And now, after what seems to be an eternety of waiting, they are going to pay for it. Whether it’s shame or public humiliation, a loss of a job, a public trial or a public execution, I cannot say. Throw them all in the mix. Anything could happen with 2022 less than a month away.

Those kinds of people just feel different to me. I don’t want control over anyone’s life here. They do. They want to be at the head of the altar and show you how to live your life. You must do what they say because they’re the ones who hold all the answers. Listen, trust, and believe in what we say. Just don’t mind the actions we do, though. Your lyin’ eyes are deceiving you. Trust us, we know what’s best.

Maybe it’s just how I was raised, but it never occurred to me to give my choices over to someone else. I was taught we have free will. That the only thing separating us from the animals is our ability to choose. It was my God-given right to make my own choices and trust who I want to trust. And when those at the helm don’t allow me to question their methods, I’m liable to get up and find my way to the nearest exit.

Truthfully, I’m not sure every one of these people actually meant to become the evil they portray. They may have started out with good intentions but got it twisted somewhere down the line. They thought they were on the righteous path, but someone lured them away. Their view of what is right and wrong got completely flipped, and suddenly they don’t know down from up. But they trek on, propping up this false prophet, giving credence to ideas that will only benefit a few and devastate the heart of the herd.

And they’ll never see the wrong they’re doing it for themselves. That little twist in the corridor has slowly eroded their ability to self-reflect. They look in the mirror and see perfection, not someone who is capable of flaws. Something other-worldly has to occur to break the hell they’ve created for themselves.

And I think that thing is coming. I can’t say what it is, only that I know people are feeling it too. Even those who don’t want to admit it to themselves. We’re about to see and hear something so unbelievable, so indefensible, so jacked up beyond recognition that the whole world needs to stop and see, just to be able to comprehend it. That’s my feeling anyway. And I’m usually not wrong about things. But don’t worry. You and I both know you’ve been approaching this life with goodness in your heart. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have found this place. You wouldn’t have found me. I have no room for hate and vengeance in my heart. And I attract those who feel the same. We’ve got our own flock herded by a good shepherd here. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So please, when it’s time, have a heart and don’t gloat. Don’t tell people “I told you so.” Just let them come to you and talk it out. Hear their confessions of how misguided they were. They taught you compassion, so give it right back. It’ll be easy when the time comes. And it’s coming sooner than we think.

Don’t worry about me. I have my own sin I’m living with. I’ve made peace with it. For real this time.