My December to Remember: Day 4

I’m not interested in the professional complainers™ anymore. I don’t want to hear what they have to say. All they seem to do is shoehorn in a separate issue rather than talk about what’s actually in front of them. It must be exhausting to search for problems in every single thing that crosses our newswires, but people get their hustle in different ways, I guess. The cards don’t lie. Wouldn’t be my way, but I won’t hate you if it’s yours.

My writing lately doesn’t feel like I’m “complaining” as much as I am ruminating. It’s not about mooning over what I cannot do, it’s mulling whether or not it’s right to do something. It’s not self-pity, it’s self-discovery, even if it borders on navel-gazing. It’s looking into my own crystal ball to see what else can exist for me on the horizon, just as long as I’m seeing things clearly in the present. I’m both excited and exhausted by the idea of tampering down and giving my thoughts on things that actually have the possibility of playing out in real time.

I don’t really make predictions like that. Or if I do, they’re so nebulous that I can twist it any way I so choose. I too can shoehorn anything in to fit if I try hard enough. But mostly I’m just speculating on what may or may not happen. There’s no definition to anything I’m doing lately. Nothing I foresee can actually be put in the record books as accurate. There’s a part of me that’s afraid of being wrong should it not pan out as I think, but the main issue for me is feeling like my contributions are unwelcome. There’s no space to lay it all out and no one would care if there was. There’s personal feelings of inadequacy and rejection, and that I may not be as all-knowing as I once thought.

But there’s a comfort in that. I can live in the now for me and wish for good things as I look ahead for the rest of us. People can either take what I say or leave it. I don’t have to do this for anyone but me.

I suppose if I wanted to pursue the punditry, I could make predictions about the political or societal fields. I find that space and just jump in with both feet. But I think it’s beneficial to put that focus on me right now, and really set goals for myself this time. Knock out the nebulousness and make a healthy prediction for myself. Look to the stars for guidance as I see what else is out there. I’m all about the possibilities. I sincerely think anything could happen. You never know when the stars will align and make all your dreams come true.

The one thing I’m not is a mind reader. I wish I was. But that wasn’t in the prophecy, I’m afraid.

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