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My December to Remember: Day 3

I’m starting to say things out loud again. It’s actually one of the benefits of living in New York City right now. I can speak aloud anything that I’m thinking, and can do it while walking down the street. I pass by people, yammering to myself, and no one will pay me any mind. Or if they do, who cares, statistically I will never see that person again, so why be bothered by what they think?

By saying things out loud, it provides some validity to what I’m feeling. I can hear back my own thoughts and assess if they’re something to pursue or reject. And, more often than not lately, I’m saying things that I ultimately don’t want to continue feeling. It’s just a lot of anger rising up to the surface and finding its way out of my mouth. Whatever it is, it still exists, and it’s probably better to get it out than keep it all in, no matter how crazy I look. And I like to think that there’s some validity to what I’m saying, even if it’s cloaked in a veil of surface-level strife. At least it’s on its way out.

Something in me used to think that every feeling I had was the appropriate one to have. And I’m finding that’s not always the case. I can feel something, sure. But I don’t have to live there, and I don’t have to feel bad that I even felt it to begin with. The only way I can truly know and find out if it’s beneficial to my path is by acknowledging it. And it’s becoming abundantly clear to me that that’s a much more difficult task for some than it is for others.

It’s not up to me to get the entire world on board with what I’m thinking. I don’t have that power. But I hope I can at least encourage others to give it a try. It’s worth it to at least give things a fair shake. I don’t know where the lack of personal trust went, but this is a way to rebuild it, at least. If we don’t say how we’re feeling, how can we expect real growth to occur within ourselves?

And then I think many people will just never ever go there with themselves. It’s too scary. It’s too real. And it’s not up to me to force my mindset onto someone. All I can say is I think they’re missing out. There will always be hurdles to jump, there will always be bad feelings to exist. The path to authenticity is paved with strife and conflict. Getting it out is at least step one. You work through to separate the good from the bad, but the key is actually wanting to put in the work. Otherwise it’s just one big gabfest with no direction that ends in a lot of things left unsaid.

And who wants to go their whole life not getting to say the thing they really want to say? I know I don’t. Listen to me on this one as I speak it into existence. I may not always be the most articulate, but I can promise it all comes right from the heart. So speak now, or forever hold your peace. You never know when it becomes your last chance to get it all out.

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