(4) recognition of the reflection [june renew]

My Uber driver recognized me today. So did the cashier at Dunkin’. It happened right after one another. Two gentlemen who I once shared something with, however brief it was, seemed genuinely happy to see me. Again. Two days in a row. And I enjoyed that. The recognition felt good. I mean, how could you forget me? I’m not so easy to miss. Except when I am. But that’s a different tale to tell.

I’m starting to feel more and more that people are just naturally drawn to me. I’m not an exception to the rule. Lots of people fall into this category. I just never considered myself for it. This relates back to what I was saying yesterday, about people wanting to be around me. I’m starting to think that if I just play my cards right and let people come to me, then I’ll have a much easier time going forward in the world. I don’t need to come off too strong and I don’t need to give a lot of information away. I just have to be me and pursue what I need to pursue; to have a goal in mind and stick to it. There’s some bumps along the way, as I still get nervous and stammer over my words. But it’s getting better, and I’m recognizing more and more what I’m actually capable of.

There used to be a feeling that if there was a person I didn’t want to be around, they would instantly know it. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes do not hide my disdain for whatever is irking me. While these are still things I am (somewhat) working on, I can’t help but notice peoples’ reactions after being around me. If all the home agents I’ve been speaking with lately are emailing back with how lovely it was speaking with me, I can only assume they’re giving back what I’m putting out. I mean, they want to sell me a house, but I sense the genuinity either way.

If I approach someone with a preconceived notion that I don’t want to be around them, then why wouldn’t they give that right back to me? We have to respond with what’s in front of us, and we can’t know how we’ll react unless we’re physically in that situation. My default is slowly starting to change. It’s no longer self-absorption and annoyance when being around people. I’d much rather be kind and polite, cordial and willing to be someone’s “single-serving friend” (thank you Fight Club). We were all just stuck inside for over a year. It’s easy to forget what it’s like to be around people.

As a whole, The People are not the enemy. The People are smart. They know what’s going on, and they know what they’re about. The People are what you see them. They’re giving back what you’re putting out. I just feel like I put out better vibes when I don’t have a mind clouded by my own self-indulgence. I can relate better with clarity. I can see myself in a whole new light. I’ve always enjoyed the reflection staring back at me. It’s nice to know other people can finally see what I see.

When will you?