Living lazy

I did nothing this weekend. And I liked it. These were the days I sorely needed to recharge my batteries. I had a lot of time to reflect on what I’ve done and where I’m going while shutting off my brain for a bit. And it gave me the chance to admit some things to myself that I never thought I would.

2016 was a blur of sadness for me. I was so unbelievably miserable day in and day out, and I didn’t help myself out of it. Instead, I just wallowed in self-pity, simply because it felt good to do so. I enjoyed feeling sorry for myself. I liked letting the tears roll down my face, especially when I would go out walking in Manhattan. (Don’t worry, we Manhattanites are so preoccupied with our own selves that we don’t notice a little thing like a crying woman walking on the sidewalk.) Being sad was an excuse to be weepy at work, leading to sour interactions with coworkers. I had every right to be upset because things weren’t going my way when I wanted them to.*

This past Saturday, as I walked to the laundry room, hamper in hand, I actually said out loud, “I can’t believe I wasted so much time crying.” And then I laughed. I laughed long and loud. This was only just a year ago, but all that seems so far away. If I try to put myself into that headspace I was trapped in, I find that can’t do it. I have no more tears for things that are out of my control. That’s a level of sadness I hope to never be in ever again. And I can say with confidence that I won’t allow myself to stoop that low.

Like I’ve said in previous blogs, there will be days when we feel out of control and nothing goes right for us. We’ll shut down and shut off the world until we can get our bearings again. There will be bad days ahead of us, because nothing can be perfect all the time. But knowing what your lowpoint is and knowing what it takes to rise above it is all the knowledge you need in order to overcome any obstacle.

As for doing nothing all weekend, I have no plans to be that bored again, especially when an entire day is frittered away in front of VH1’s I Love Money for the fifteenth time. But once in a while, it’s okay. Or needed.

So here’s to the lazy days. That’s when the real work can get done.

*Please read this sentence as if it were bathed in sarcasm.

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