I live alone. That is, I live alone with a cat. I’m also an only child. So when it comes to quiet nights solo on the couch, it’s not like I particularly mind it. In fact, some nights I prefer it. But I know how much it would bore people to hear about my very busy evenings of lounging around in yoga pants, playing the same Steam games I’ve played 400 times over. So that’s why I got it out of the way early in order to continue here.
Who do you tell about the things you do when you’re alone? Is there someone who knows you that well? Is there someone you wish knows you that well? Flying solo gives us the time to really examine where we’re going, where we’ve been, and what we continue doing. Private reflection has never hurt anyone, and being able to really spend time with yourself assures you that someone else will want to do that too. It’s why I have trouble understanding those who don’t ever seem to be without a significant other. How can you discover yourself if someone else is always around?
There are things we do that aren’t necessarily for the eyes of others. Unfortunately, in this social media-heavy climate, we have to see things people think are fantastic ideas to share. Things that you necessarily don’t agree with, or never in a million years would think to speak about yourself. Things that make you wonder what people think about when no one else is around. But alas, I can’t sit by and only be worried about other people. I’d drive myself crazy that way.
The key to fulfillment is choosing what you share and being careful about who you share it with. This may come with a lot of trial and error and a lot of missteps about people you thought you could trust. But there’s no growing without stumbling, and no learning without listening. And sometimes, when you’re telling yourself you need that break and check in with yourself, it’s okay to take it. You have to live with yourself, you have to live with the thoughts that come when no one else is around. Hopefully you choose to share the good ones. The world needs as many of those as it can get right now.
It is often said our romantic partners reflect all our suppressed aspects of ourselves. This means that (theoretically) a person can learn by always having someone else around by virtue of continually asking themselves “how is what they are doing, me?”